Thursday, June 24, 2010

What Women Want in a Man


What I Want In A Man!    Original  List

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9.. Full of thoughtful surprises

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries


What  I Want in a Man, Revised List (age  42)
1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't  drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out  occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers  punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not  to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat  down
10. Shaves most  weekends

What  I Want in a Man, Revised List (age  52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears  trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or  scratch in public
3. Doesn't  borrow money too often
4. Doesn't  nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many  times
6. Is in good enough shape  to get off the couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What  I Want in a Man, Revised List (age  62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough  shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age  72)
1. Breathing.
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.

-----------------

AFTER  BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL  LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE  DAY  AND SAID, "Darling, 44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP  APARTMENT, A CHEAP  CAR,  SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK  AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT  TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD  GIRL. 

NOW  I HAVE A $500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR,  NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN  TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN.  IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF  THINGS."

MY  WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN.  SHE TOLD ME TO  GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD  GAL, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE  AGAIN BE LIVING  IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR,  SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND  WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE  TV.


AREN'T  OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE  YOUR MID-LIFE  CRISIS

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Saturday, June 19, 2010

Credit Card at the Gas Pump



Using credit/debit card to purchase gasoline? Read this note very
carefully. I did not know about the clear button, but I will be pushing
the clear button before I swipe my gas or debit card and after just to
be safe.


People are getting really desperate due to the constantly rising gas
prices. A friend just told me about something that happened to one of
his coworkers.

She used her credit/debit card to purchase gas at the pump (like most
of us do). She received her receipt like normal.

However, when she checked her statement, there were two $50 charges
added in addition to her purchase. Upon investigation, she found out
that because she did not press the 'clear' button on the pump, the
employee inside the store was able to use her card to purchase his/her
own gas!


To keep this from happening, after you get your receipt, you must press
the 'CLEAR' button or your information will be stored until the next
customer inserts their card.


I had never noticed the clear button but I got gas the other day and
sure enough it is there. I shall be using it from now on.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

'Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?'

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. 

I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.. 

She said, 'Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?' 

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, 'Of course you may!' and she gave me a giant squeeze.. 

'Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?' I asked. 

She jokingly replied, 'I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids...' 

'No seriously,' I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age. 

'I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!' she told me. 

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. 

We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this 'time machine' as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.. 

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up. 

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. 
 

 

 Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, 'I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.' 

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, ' We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. 

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. 

We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it! 

There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. 

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. 

Anybody! Can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets. 

The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets..' 

She concluded her speech by courageously singing 'The Rose.' 

She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those months ago. 

One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. 

Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be. 

When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it! 

These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE. 

REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. We make a Living by what we get. We make a Life by what we give. 

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. 

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

1-800-4664-411

1-800-4664-411


Google has done it again
Not everybody has On Star, etc. or a phone book handy.  Look what Google is doing....




Here is something you will want to have and use!  I still remember when the telephone company charged me $1.50 to get a phone number from information.  My compliments to Google!  Leave it up them to come up with something like this!!!


Here's a number worth putting in your cell phone, or your home phone speed dial:

1-800-goog411.

 

This is an awesome service from Google, and it's free -- great when you are driving on the road with no pen, pencil or paper handy. Don't waste your money on information calls and don't waste your time manually dialing the number. I am driving along in my car and I need to call the golf course and I don't know the number. I hit the speed dial for information that I have programmed.

The voice at the other end says, "City &State." I say, " Garland , Texas."

He says, "Business, Name or Type of Service." I say, “ Garland Golf Course."

  He says, "Connecting" and Garland Golf Course answers the phone.


How great is that? This is nationwide and it is absolutely free!
Click on the link below and watch the short clip for a quick demonstration.

http://www.google.com/goog411
--  I hope you have a nice day....

Some Interesting View Points