Monday, June 29, 2009
Jar
Old people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!
An 85-year old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as
part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring
back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and
gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's
like this "first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried
with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her
left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with teeth in,
then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first
with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between
her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, 'Yep none of us could get the jar open'
Friday, June 26, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
BBQ Rules
Us "poor" men can't win, no matter what........
BBQ RULES
Since we are in the BBQ season, I thought it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill - iced tea in hand.
Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine....
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will refill his iced tea glass while he deals with the situation.
Important again:
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine....
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Cinnamon and Honey formula for weight loss:
Cinnamon and Honey formula for weight loss:
This should be prepared at night before going to bed.1. Use 1 part cinnamon to 2 parts raw honey. 1/2 tsp cinnamon to 1 tsp honey is recommended but can use more or less as long as in the ratio of 1 to 2. --- so 1 tsp cinnamon to 2 tsp raw honey is ok too as an example.
2. Boil 1 cup...that is 8 oz of water.
3. Pour water over cinnamon and cover and let it steep for 1/2 hour..(30 minutes)
4. Add honey now that it has cooled. Never add honey when it is hot as the heat will destroy the enzymes and other nutrients in the raw honey.
5. Drink 1/2 of this directly before going to bed. The other 1/2 should be covered and refrigerated.
6. In the morning drink the other half that you refirgerated...but do not re-heat it...drink it cold or at room temp only.
Do not add anything else to this recipe. No lemon, no lime, no vinegar. It is not necessary to drink it more time in a day...it is only effective on an empty stomach and primarily at night.
This works for most people. Inches are lost before any measurement on the scales. This program will cause significant inches lost...but you will reach a plateau and may not lose anymore. This is because the cinnamon and honey cause a cleansing effect in the digestive tract and cleans out parasites and other fungus and bacteria that slow down the digestion...causing a toxic build up. (Lowers pH) Once this is all cleaned out then you will most likely have the weight loss slow down.
Other side effects from a cleansing can occur because of toxins being released...if this occurs, cut back on how much you use or take a break.
Additionally people report increased energy, more sex drive, and feeling happier/mood enhancer.
HONEY LINKS
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Clay Balls
Clay Balls
A man was exploring caves by the Seashore. In one of the caves he found a canvas bag with a bunch of hardened clay balls.. It was like someone had rolled clay balls and left them out in the sun to bake. They didn't look like much, but they intrigued the man, so he took the bag out of the cave with him. As he strolled along the beach, he would throw the clay balls one at a time out into the ocean as far as he could.
He thought little about it, until he dropped one of the clay balls and it cracked open on a rock . Inside was a beautiful, precious stone!
Excited, the man started breaking open the remaining clay balls. Each contained a similar treasure. He found thousands of dollars worth of jewels in the 20 or so clay balls he had left.
Then it struck him. He had been on the beach a long time. He had thrown maybe 50 or 60 of the clay balls with their hidden treasure into the ocean waves. Instead of thousands of dollars in treasure, he could have taken home tens of thousands, but he had just thrown it 20 away!
It's like that with people. We look at someone, maybe even ourselves, and we see the external clay vessel. It doesn't look like much from the outside. It isn't always beautiful or sparkling, so we discount it.
We see that person as less important than someone more beautiful or stylish or well known or wealthy. But we have not taken the time to find the treasure hidden inside that person.
There is a treasure in each and everyone of us. If we take the time to get to know that person, and if we ask God to show us that person the way He sees them, then the clay begins to peel away and the brilliant gem begins to shine forth.
Maybe we won't come to the end of our lives and find out that we have thrown away a fortune in friendships because the gems were hidden in bits of clay.
I am so blessed by the gems of friendship I have with you. Thank you for looking beyond my clay vessel.
LIFE IS TOO SHORT AND GOOD FRIENDS ARE TOO FEW!
Monday, March 30, 2009
US-CERT Cyber Security Alert SA09-088A -- Conficker Worm Targets Microsoft Windows Systems
-------- Original Message --------
| Subject: | US-CERT Cyber Security Alert SA09-088A -- Conficker Worm Targets Microsoft Windows Systems |
|---|---|
| Date: | Mon, 30 Mar 2009 15:22:39 -0400 |
| From: | US-CERT Alerts <alerts@us-cert.gov> |
| Organization: | US-CERT - +1 202-205-5266 |
| To: | alerts@us-cert.gov |
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- Hash: SHA1 National Cyber Alert System Cyber Security Alert SA09-088A Conficker Worm Targets Microsoft Windows Systems Original release date: March 29, 2009 Last revised: March 30, 2009 Source: US-CERT Systems Affected * Microsoft Windows Overview US-CERT is aware of public reports indicating a widespread infection of the Conficker/Downadup worm, which can infect a Microsoft Windows system from a thumb drive, a network share, or directly across a corporate network, if the network servers are not patched with the MS08-067 patch from Microsoft. Solution Instructions, support and more information on how to manually remove a Conficker/Downadup infection from a system have been published by major security vendors. Please see below for a few of those sites. Each of these vendors offers free tools that can verify the presence of a Conficker/Downadup infection and remove the worm: Symantec: http://www.symantec.com/business/security_response/writeup.jsp?docid=2009-011316-0247-99 Microsoft: http://support.microsoft.com/kb/962007 http://www.microsoft.com/protect/computer/viruses/worms/conficker.mspx Microsoft PC Safety hotline at 1-866-PCSAFETY, for assistance. US-CERT encourages users to prevent a Conficker/Downadup infection by ensuring all systems have the MS08-067 patch (see http://www.microsoft.com/technet/security/Bulletin/MS08-067.mspx), disabling AutoRun functionality (see http://www.us-cert.gov/cas/techalerts/TA09-020A.html), and maintaining up-to-date anti-virus software. Description Home users can apply a simple test for the presence of a Conficker/Downadup infection on their home computers. The presence of a Conficker/Downadup infection may be detected if a user is unable to surf to their security solution website or if they are unable to connect to the websites, by downloading detection/removal tools available free from those sites: * http://www.symantec.com/norton/theme.jsp?themeid=conficker_worm&inid=us_ghp_link_conficker_worm * http://www.microsoft.com/protect/computer/viruses/worms/conficker.mspx * http://www.mcafee.com If a user is unable to reach any of these websites, it may indicate a Conficker/Downadup infection. The most recent variant of Conficker/Downadup interferes with queries for these sites, preventing a user from visiting them. If a Conficker/Downadup infection is suspected, the system or computer should be removed from the network or unplugged from the Internet - in the case for home users. References * Microsoft Windows Malicious Software Removal Tool - <http://www.microsoft.com/downloads/details.aspx?FamilyId=AD724AE0-E72D-4F54-9AB3-75B8EB148356> * Microsoft Updates Website - <http://update.microsoft.com/microsoftupdate/> * US-CERT Technical Cyber Security Alert TA09-088A - <http://www.us-cert.gov/cas/techalerts/TA09-088A.html> * Virus alert about the Win32/Conficker.B worm - <http://support.microsoft.com/kb/962007> * The Conficker Worm - <http://www.symantec.com/norton/theme.jsp?themeid=conficker_worm> * W32/Conficker.worm - <http://us.mcafee.com/root/campaign.asp?cid=54857> * Microsoft Automatic Updates - <http://www.microsoft.com/windows/downloads/windowsupdate/automaticupdate.mspx> ____________________________________________________________________ The most recent version of this document can be found at: <http://www.us-cert.gov/cas/alerts/SA09-088A.html> ____________________________________________________________________ Feedback can be directed to US-CERT Technical Staff. Please send email to <cert@cert.org> with "SA09-088A Feedback VU#827267" in the subject. ____________________________________________________________________ For instructions on subscribing to or unsubscribing from this mailing list, visit <http://www.us-cert.gov/cas/signup.html>. ____________________________________________________________________ Produced 2009 by US-CERT, a government organization. Terms of use: <http://www.us-cert.gov/legal.html> ____________________________________________________________________ Revision History March 29, 2009: Initial release March 30, 2009: Included additional details -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- Version: GnuPG v1.4.5 (GNU/Linux) iQEVAwUBSdEbJXIHljM+H4irAQI0Nwf9GrAGb6PVq0Q4iBYVbWqmMtBohJFCJjqJ bUE5UenapUQE/DQ3uig7jJi/FJV9eWDK0j6y8nBQV0C9V+p9233Y+rHkyAhTGAep PBFStBggwnO2fxB6/SG3d/N3omTM/zzz9g6Yjyvvc7x5IS/S11hjuiqYuE/nrRX1 uYj6RbtKoXAgX7+sofiHgn5Opr0nfIaRNJ/sJpHCMYtW270Byg7NkwI4z+o93n6j q7C1xfY77+kvuhS77Y3fHxIjJpR4AFYaCmygdy0B0TOqh00ULcDcS1L9fQ7hTWp7 mjCzzqA0QNG3WDKfSI9pD+JfMVjwYomdwd9ribKcYYLAkS7/DK6bxQ== =xw9l -----END PGP SIGNATURE-----
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)